Advanced Placement Next-Level Studies

i haven’t posted in a year and a half…

so i will fight evil with evil and post constantly about boys, books, and boobs.

the typical winter season for a hibernator is characterized by periods of hibernation interrupted by sporadic euthermic arousals wherein body temperature is restored to typical levels and blogiging an excuse for one’s absence is made possible for a few moments.  

of course, by the time i publish this post, winter feels like it’s just on the horizon. regardless, let me inform you of something true – summer may be almost over, but it’s (technically) still here and what more reason do you need to do summery things, like eating ice cream, than a deadline.

unless you’re jack donaghy (or also worthy of ridicule), the gold standard changed a long time ago.

it’s the out there flavors that require your pilgrimage.

earlier this year i lost a part of myself when i missed my chance to eat exotic cereal milk ice cream (sweet lucky charm drenched cereal milk). don’t let yourself know my pain. they are now selling the non frozen creamy substance. or try their standard plain corn flake cereal milk ice cream and imagine it’s magically delicious.

when i say the words “ice cream” i mean everything to do with the sorbet – gelato – regular stuff family.  is there a more general term for them, as a collective, other than “frozen treats” because i’d hate to use such a vanilla sounding phrase (you see what i did there?)?

but we’re getting distracted from the fact that  nothing flavored like ‘smores can go wrong.

if you want to push your preconceived notions of ice cream a bit further you can, with flavors ranging from popcorn to corn, cupcake to birthday cake, olive oil to cotton candy. you can get watermelon gelato until 1 am.

of course, the most important element of ice cream studies is learning what to pair it with. as a liscenced icecreammelier i recommend you experiment with any number of crazy cones and toppings, natural and fatural.

why stick ice cream between cookies, when there are new donuts out there on the market just waiting sandwich your dreams?

& of course you can always make it 21+.
or make up a new kind of unusual ice cream…

just please don’t encourage or enable the evil trucks (you know who the good guys are) whose music plagues my dreams, literally, because even when they are 11 blocks away and it’s 10pm at night, i can hear their pied piper siren song from under the covers

sometimes science fails to illuminate the darkness

the new yorker backs up my canoe theory

one must read the whole brick to get the point

i am firm believer in the idea that what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. as one about to embark on an epic journey through the boundary waters, it might surprise you to learn that i fear not the rapids, the mosquito bombers, the lack of flushing porcelain bowls, and the ever present alces alces. i fear the canoes. it would be one thing if they were single person kayaks. i love commanding my own vessel and palindromes. but canoes are thinly veiled demons from another dimension. they destroy relationships. remember summer camp? remember the big canoe trip? remember how you and your best friend excitedly decided to partner up and how once in the water it took you only ten minutes to realize that he or she wasn’t doing half as much work as you were? and how she actually kept paddling on the wrong side of the boat and you guys started spinning in circles and the canoe went nowhere and both of you though the other one was a bossy lazy jerk? it wasn’t your fault. it was the canoe’s. 

assuming i return from the big open space known as the land of 10,000 lakes alive, i’ll once again favor the types of adventures i do now – those in pursuit of the perfect cheeseburger and scent (different quests, for now).

also for now, HAPPY 4th OF JULY!

i wish us all luck in our hot dog eating and swim suit parading contest.

to be extra patriotic try on these dr pepper ribs for size. gracias saldaña family of tejas.

DR PEPPER RIBS

3-4 lbs Chuck Short Ribs (should be about 12-15 ribs)

dry rub:

1/2 cup salt

1/4 cup garlic powder

1/8 cup onion powder

3 tbsp. paprika

3 tbsp. chili powder (optional for pansies)

Dr Pepper Mop

3 cups Dr Pepper (or Coca-Cola or R.C. Cola)

2 tbls canola or corn oil

 

Combine the dry ingredients and mix thoroughly. Coat ribs liberally with rub.

Oven Cooking: Preheat oven to 300 degrees. Place ribs bone side down on a broiler pan and cook for approximately 45 minutes to one hour. Baste with Dr Pepper mop occasionally to add sweetness to the meat.

Smoker: Set up smoker with desired wood chips and allow smoker to reach about 300 degrees. Place ribs bone side down on grill rack and cook for approximately one hour. Baste with Dr Pepper mop occasionally through cooking time.

Gas Grill: Preheat grill and turn heat to low or med-low setting. Place ribs bone side down on grill. Allow to cook for 30-40 minutes, basting with Dr Pepper mop throughout cook time. Turn the ribs, allowing each side to be grilled for about 4 minutes per side to finish.

& make lots of ribs because HAPPINESS ONLY REAL WHEN SHARED

“the joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.”

~supertramp