SATIREVERITAS

The key to picking an antidepressant is rigorous testing—have you paired wellbutrin?

 

The key to finding a good pet is rigorous honesty—are they cute enough that, when the end of days arrives, you will protect them from cannibals with your life?

 

As for addiction, you'll want to be sober when the world's governments collapse. You don't want to become a slave to the currency of alcohol, so knowing how to brew and barter moonshine will keep you alive. Also, twelve-step meetings are the perfect place to recruit your survival squad. Members are well versed in unity, recovery, and total anarchy.