SATIREVERITAS

Sometimes it only feels like the end of the world. 

 

If you have just broken up with someone, please take a look at our other course offerings.

 

If you've recently been dumped, follow these instructions: 

 

1. Change your bedsheets. 

2. Put anything that smells like or belongs to your ex in a box or one of the 15 glossier bags you have laying around. Tuck it away in your car trunk. You don't have to return anything yet.

3. Buy some eco-friendly dried sage. Then light that shit on fire in a large pot at home until your smoke alarm goes off and gives you a huge panic attack.

4. Realize you're alive and you still have a lot to live for.

5. Look at yourself in the mirror and make eye contact for 13 full minutes. It's okay if you're crying for all of it. 

6. Mute your ex on every social media account. 

7. Open spotify. 

8. Look up your ex and see if they have any public playlists. Usually, their shazamed tracks are auto-public. 

9. Copy their playlist into a private one of your own and listen to it front to back for as long as it takes. 

10. Listen to it again while writing a letter to them. Leave nothing out. Save it as a draft in your gmail. Add to it whenever inspiration strikes at work or while driving.

11. Create a fake instagram account and make sure you do not connect it to your real email or facebook.

12. Do not let anyone follow you, but feel free to follow them and all the people they follow.

13. When you realize they're dating someone they met while you were still together, sign up for this class. We will proceed from there.